Freedom or Independence?

I think my relationship may be coming to an end. I seem to have to make a choice between freedom and independence. Freedom is a liberty of action, whilst still being bound to outside influences. Freedom of choice still has certain boundaries whether they fall into the categories of personal, mutual, or societal boundaries. Independence is an unwillingness to be under that obligation to others. To be independent is not depending on another's authority or control, or even validation by another being. Freedom and independence therefore, are not mutually exclusive.

I have always sought to be independent, to do what is right for me, without any obligation to another, relationships or otherwise. I write this in relation to my plans of returning to Thailand, to be with someone who has been waiting for me for almost a year. I know that if I extend my stay here in Brissie, this relationship is at an end. I wonder then, is it worth it? I've heard this from my family and friends that if he truly loves me, then he would wait. He feels I am taking advantage of his patience as well as the situation. That I think of no one other than myself. Yet he knows how I am and he fell in love with me because of my fiercely strong will. I know what is right for me is to stay longer. What is right for us is to go back. Do I take the chance and extend my stay knowing that when I do get back to Thailand, he may not be there. We haven't seen each other for 10 months. I admit that I do not know if it is him I love anymore, or is it the idea of him that I love... the memories we shared. I know if I were to have never left his side, that things would be fine. I am easy in a relationship when the person is there with me. I suck at long distance relationships. I've been in enough to know. If he were here with me now, I'd give up my independence in a heartbeat. Do I suffer the consequences knowing that this decision I make can break something so special that it can never be touched again. Or do I remain steady in my belief that there is no be all, end all and that love may follow me some other time? Do I remain selfish and pick independence, or do I compromise and choose freedom? I guess the real question is "Am I ready?" AND of course this issue runs deeper and is more involved than what I am able to put into words here and now. Nothing is just black and white. I am a firm believer in shades of grey.

(on a sidenote, this does not work in relationship to more pressing matters like having a family and/or job and other similar obligations... i am a selfish twat)